The Gift of Grief
The Gift of Grief
It is with sheer delight I introduce you to Kathryn Momsen who is a qualified Millennium Modality® – Medical Intuitive (Level I, II, III, IV). She has shared her wisdom through the following article. My intention of having certified Practitioners share their insights is so we have a holistic approach to Medical Intuition, Children, health and happiness. Enjoy and thank you Kathryn
What is grief? The dictionary defines it with many words, amongst them ‘intense heartache, heartbreak, broken-heartedness and heaviness of heart, especially caused by the death of someone or something we hold dear’.
In Medical Intuitive terms, grief is held in the lungs and large intestine, and the heart chakra is responsible for lung function. Often, as time passes and we begin to re-engage with life in the absence of who or what we have lost, our broken heart becomes stuck in our story (drama bus) and we are unable to deeply breath in the joys of life and let go of our pain.
Recently I have been exploring the idea that perhaps grief holds within its heart the gift of love and acceptance and that our deepest regrets (held in the brain body consciousness) hold the possibility of our deepest healing, bringing us to joy and happiness held in the organ of the heart.
What if we decided (gall bladder) to release all judgment (pituitary) on situations and circumstances and instead really tuned into (ears) whatever we’re living with in the moment, allowing for the possibility that even though what’s happening in the present may not make sense, it’s leading to an outcome yet to be revealed.
What if dis-ease and discomfort are our body’s only way of getting us to pay attention, bringing with it an opportunity to become really connected to ourselves. What if we chose to embark on a curious and loving journey of inward discovery rather than feeling like a victim (connective tissue and thymus gland) of circumstance.
When my Dad was ill, I was so frightened (kidney, bladder & knee chakra) of the concept of cancer (or any other ‘big illness’ brain), that I missed being present for most of the last year of his life and left my Mother to carry her grief alone … a guilt (lymphatic system and skin) and regret I carried for many years. As a result, by my early twenties, I had disconnected from my heart and withdrawn into my head.
In my unexpressed grief, I was angry (liver) with both of my parents for not being there for me (navel) and I certainly didn’t understand the desolation my mother felt as she watched her soul mate slowly dying before her eyes or the complete separation (small bowel) she felt from everyone and everything on his passing. I could not be there for her and she couldn’t be there for me.
Needy and disrespectful of myself (nipple chakra & breast), I chose to engage in life experiences that expanded my newly acquired story that I was not worthy of either of my parent’s love. In my mind, both of them abandoned me at the age of nineteen – Dad physically and Mum emotionally. I forgot how to love myself and I certainly wouldn’t let love in (heart chakra).
Nineteen on the Millennium Grid® is about self-expression and I was indeed, totally unable to express my heart at that time. “I think I feel …” became my most uttered phrase and the world I inhabited felt numb and grey. I sought out adrenalin-based (fight/flight, motivation) experiences that would make my heart beat hard and fast in an attempt to reconnect to the joy of living (heart) for many years.
In my mid 40’s, after much soul searching, I met my current partner. A beautiful, gentle, open soul, he taught me how to experience love differently – and he loved me as I was. To my surprise I was diagnosed with breast cancer just before my 49th birthday – just when I thought I had it together. Interesting to me that age 49 on the Millennium Grid® is all about the monkey mind, and my head was certainly full of illusions of separation and old drama stories.
Around the same time my mother became very ill. I thought I was going to lose her and she thought she was going to lose me. Instead, we supported each other and we loved each other – unconditionally and completely. We found each other again and the past fell away.
For me, the journey through breast cancer allowed me to slow down, focus on myself and climb off the old drama bus. I became aware of the love and connections I really wanted around me and realized that I was being given an incredible opportunity to forgive (heart) and release (gall bladder) the old stories and become the conscious co-creator of my own life (Christ consciousness chakra / thymus).
After the initial fears (kidney) that came with the diagnosis, I found my courage (root chakra). I learned to stand up for myself, waking up my solar plexus chakra as I reclaimed my personal power and sense of self and began asking lots and lots of questions about the medical care I was being offered and what complimentary therapies I could do in conjunction with it to assist my body and soul to grow strong and complete again. I began making very conscious choices (knees) and decisions (gall bladder) about my life that made me happy. I learned to value myself and I learned to nourish my own body, mind and soul.
I did choose surgery and radiation therapy as a part of my treatment and decided against Chemo and drugs because I couldn’t make peace with putting something in to my body that made me feel unwell. (I even named the radiation machine George in order to connect and be very present during the sessions – I think the staff at the hospital thought I was nuts, but it made us all laugh). At the same time, I chose to change my diet, take lots of supplements and had intravenous Vitamin C infusions (and some vitamin and mineral infusions) to support my body. Mostly, I looked forward to being with the people I loved and had many and varied energy sessions to explore and free my heart and mind from the old stuff.
I learned that the person is not their disease and there is nothing to be afraid of – that it is just the way each person’s body is speaking to them – an opportunity to change life’s perceptions and create new possibilities.
Today I am the same age Mum was when she lost Dad. Today I understand with all my heart. In retrospect I realize that I was afraid of the depth of my parent’s grief and that I have run from intense feelings in myself, and those around me all of my life. Somehow they were unacceptable to me and so I had bottled them up, unexpressed, for 49 years. Ultimately, I believe my body created breast cancer as an opportunity to release the old stories and explore my beliefs and perceptions from a new perspective. Now, of course, I see it as the perfect manifestation of my story up to that moment.
What an amazing dance this has been for me and I am grateful for an extraordinary journey of self-exploration that has led me to a place of peaceful acceptance (breast) of what is in the moment. Unexpectedly, with it came self-love and self-responsibility as I engaged with my lack of self-respect (breast) and learned to love myself (heart) – as I am.
In retrospect, I understand that all my life’s experience has led me perfectly to this point of absolute love and connection I feel for myself, everyone I hold dear and in a broader sense, the world around me.
I have learned the importance of being present to the moment, whatever is happening, because any other choice means missing out on precious moments. I have learned the gift of gratitude and feel a gentle acceptance of life and death as natural points along the path of experience. And so, for me it holds true that my deepest grief and regrets have borne the gifts of love and acceptance.
These days I am privileged to work as a Holistic practitioner, assisting others to tap in to their Heartsong and access happiness and peace in their lives by providing a safe space to explore their own life’s perceptions and create new possibilities, knowing that intense emotion is the pathway to release, healing and new beginnings.
It brings with it an understanding that while we may or may not be able to control or change the environment around us, we can choose to relate to it differently. To embody the understanding that there is no right or wrong, there is simply life and its complexities. These revelations are the gifts that present us with the opportunity to interact with the circumstances of life in new ways by choosing to raise our own vibration and meet life on our terms. It is an opportunity to connect with our own Heart’s song and discover the rhythms of our own soul’s journey.