Child Behaviour Problems
Child Behaviour Problems
“My child yells at me. When Katie doesn’t get what she wants, she becomes difficult and aggressive by hitting and kicking. She can be so angry and violent, she can explode like a volcano. Active the whole time, she never sits still. As a baby she had reflux and was not a good sleeper. She is intolerant so many foods.“
“My son does not do very well at school. He does not like school work, he is disruptive and does not like to read. In actual fact he is far behind academically. Trying to get Jacob to do homework is a challenge and usually ends up in a screaming match.”
“I have a 11 year old son who is very gifted in singing and guitar. He is very creative and does well when he puts the effort in. A month before his 11thbirthday I noticed the moods swings coming in. I have put this down to hormones. He is angry and has power struggles with everyone in the family. He manipulates to get out of things by having TEMPER TANTRUMS. Is this hormones?”
“How on earth do I get my five year old ,Stacey, to do anything? I am exhausted with repeating myself, yelling, smacking and then eventually I give in to her manipulation. There has to be an easier way. Everything feels like a battle with my child.”
Repetitively, I hear these comments about child behaviour problems. Many of the phone calls, sessions and courses are in regard to parenting issues and parents feeling like failures. School Teachers have also questioned their own ability especially when faced with these alive beings. Teachers with 20 years worth of experience are going home in tears every night as they are convinced that they are NOT reaching the children.
Children and behaviour problems … are the children behaving badly? Are the children naughty? Is it the children’s behaviour that is naughty? Why do children have behaviour problems? What is a behavioural problem? What is actually happening to a child when the behaviour is bad? Let us start by defining the word behaviour.
THE UNDERSTANDING OF HUMAN BEHAVIOUR
Human behaviour is the collection of behaviours exhibited by human beings and influenced by culture, attitudes, emotions, values, ethics, authority, rapport, hypnosis, persuasion, coercion and/or genetics. The way people act falls within a range with some being common, some unusual, some acceptable, and some outside acceptable limits. In sociology, behaviour is considered as having no meaning, being not directed at other people and thus is the most basic human action. The acceptability of different types of actions is evaluated relative to social norms and regulated by various means of social control. The actions and reactions of people is studied by the academic disciplines of psychology, sociology, economics, and anthropology. Human behaviour is an important factor in human society. According to Humanism, each human have a different behaviour. In summary HUMAN BEHAVIOUR means:
· Performance
· Action
· Activity
· Manners
· Conduct
SO when we look at child’s bad behaviour or ‘naughty behaviour’, we are referring to the way a child performs, acts, conducts themselves. Depending on belief systems, cultures and customs, certain actions will appear inappropriate and unacceptable. This is then described as ‘bad’ or ‘naughty’ behaviour and then even sometimes as conditions such ADHD or Aspergers. Behavioural problems can simply be seen as the child not conducting themselves according to specific rules, beliefs and actions. Why would this happen?
POSSIBLE REASONS FOR CHILD BEHAVIOUR PROBLEMS
In the amazing 21st century world we live in today there is an abundance of reasons and explanations why we can perceive children to have behavioural problems. Let’s look at only a few possibilities. Children may be acting the way they do so as to have a holistic understanding of bad behaviour – naughty behaviour.
1. Food
In this modern day living, especially in the western countries of affluence, we have the luxury of pre made and packaged food. This luxury can be obtained from any variety store including newsagents, petrol stations and of course the grocery stores. Gone are the days of having to grow and harvest food with the convenience of pre-packed food which can be eaten on the run, quickly and disposed of easily. With this convenience also comes specific outcomes, including behavioural issues. We know that sugar and fat in a the diet can increase obesity with children but what about the chemical, mental, emotional and spiritual aspects. Processed foods have an abundance of additives and chemicals used to preserve them, allowing a longer shelf life. In doing so, the manufacturer has changed the chemical structure of the food and also added ‘chemicals’ which are NOT natural to that original food source. The additives have been know to trigger allergies and intolerances for certain children, which can create behavioural problems as well as illnesses. Research has proven that many of the preservatives used today are carcinogenic.Foods that are high in sugar will affect the liver and pancreas in children, in turn effecting their behaviour. On a Metaphysical level the liver is about planning, organising and the storage of the emotional anger. On a physical level the liver processes sugar with the pancreas. So children who include highly sugared foods in their diets can be disorganised, seem overwhelmed in planning for themselves and definitely ANGRY. With some children this reaction to sugar can often display anger and violent behaviour within 15 – 30 minutes of consumption. The child becomes aggressive and unreachable. Hence why the behaviour problems. This can be avoided with minimal sugar diet intake.
On the mental aspect of health, processed food, especially when containing excess sugar can affect the perception of the child. Food has specific patterns when viewing it from a quantum physics and energy level. Processed food and especially the more chemically enhanced with additives, preservative and artificial colourings will affect how children with normally loving behaviour can become angry, resistant to following instructions and more. This is related to the pancreas on a Metaphysical level as the pancreas is the organ of the subconscious brain and the processed food alters our perception from loving to fear.
All of the above is linked with an aspect of health which is not considered fully in western medical health systems – emotions and emotional care. The internationally recognised Dr Candice Pert has proven scientifically, that emotions relate to disease within the body. Her experience demonstrate how the emotions are critical for a complete and holistic approach to health. Applying this to food, the emotions are definitely affected when food has been processed with additives and contain sugar. The emotions that become triggered are FEAR based which include; anger, resentment, fear, excitement and more. This all equates to naughty behaviour or bad behaviour.
2. Sleep Deprivation
Many children in the modern day living do not get enough sleep. This maybe due to over commitments such as sport, parents working long hours, homework and even home duties. Some children can experience anxiety and excitement as they are uncertain as to where they are sleeping in regards to separated or divorced parents. Children are expected to swap houses for parental care creating uncertainty and child behaviour problems.Certain children will not feel safe during sleep, experiencing the dark as a void and scary. (The AQUA, STAR and CRYSTAL children relate this concept). There is many reasons for this, so much so that would be another article. When children sleep, this a time for the body to rest and process the day and all that has happened. The natural body clock organised by the hypothalamus gland requires the body to stop for at least 6 hours a day so that healing, integration and resting may occur. Children actually require more sleep as they have so much to learn and integrate. When a child does not have enough sleep or has disturbed sleep, this affects the brain. The perception and understanding of everyday life is distorted and the outcome can be behavioural problems. In military and police forces around the world, one of the most common forms of torture used is sleep deprivation.
3. Emotions
Children work mostly from their right side of their brain. This is the creative and expressive side which can not perceive what is real, compared to an adult. This is the area of imagination. The brain development matures as the child grows but in the meantime, as the child involves themselves fully in to the reality of emotions, especially fear, the behaviour will be altered again. Children fully embrace these feelings and play life around these emotions. It is as the children mature that the integration and connection of the left and right brains through the cortices evolves and so too does the behaviour. If the child is more right brain specific learning such as the AQUA child, the emotions play an integral part of perception and outcomes including behaviour. Whereas the STAR child whom works more on the left side of the brain with systems and compartmentalisation, reacts emotionally by turning inward and the behaviour maybe more introvert and recluse.The emotion FEAR plays a huge part in the children’s reactions and actions to life especially relating it to behaviour. If a child thinks they are ‘stupid’ and can not do the allocated homework, the first reaction and body response is fear. This alters chemicals in the body, perception in the brain and the body actions and conducts itself accordingly to the thought ‘I am stupid’. Whilst this story or drama is circulating through the nervous system of the child, the body is preparing itself for defence. A simple comment from the Parent such as ‘Have you done your homework?’ will be the catalyst for the emotions to spark and ignite the thought thus creating performance anxiety, actions of bad behaviour including yelling, hitting, running away and more. All of which are seen as ‘bad or ‘naughty’ behaviour.
4. Thoughts and Mind Power
In the modern understanding of health we now know that what we believe, we create as our reality. The mind is a tool for life that can run or ruin our life. Children work with the spontaneous thought that comes to their mind and run with that initial thought. As the children grow and develop the children then are taught and experience the opportunity to discern and decipher thoughts accordingly to their belief systems, wherever they may have come from. The brain does not know what a reality is and what an illusion is. Therefore children and their behaviour will be a response to the thoughts they have. As mentioned prior, this can be affected by food and sleep deprivation.So if a child has a thought of “My parents love my sister more than me”, that will become the child’s reality and s/he will perceive this concept as truth. No matter what the parents do to try to alter this perception, it is ultimately the responsibility of the child and their free will to decipher what is real. The behaviour of the child can alter to mimic the supposed ‘more loved sibling’. This occurs as the child THINKS that the parents love the sibling more because the actions they present. Let’s look at an example:
Jacob is 9 years old and is known as an AQUA Child . He is out going, care free, loud, and plays outside – excelling in sport. He appears quite confident. His brother Leon, known as a STAR Child is 11 years old, is more introvert, quiet and prefers to be on the computer, appears shy and more feminine. Leon observes from his perspective that Jacob always gets the attention and is recognised for his achievements especially when he wins trophies for sport. Their Dad seems to praise Jacob more than Leon and encourages the macho image. With this mind thought, somewhere within Leon’s innate being, he decides to be more like Jacob and attempts to be ‘macho’ although he does not like the outdoors or sport. Instead Leon becomes loud, rough, and care free about life, more in himself by not grooming, leaving his room messy and more. This behaviour all of a sudden grabs the attention of the parents as they notice Leon is not behaving as he ‘normally’ does. Leon’s attitude is that “Jacob gets away with it – so can I!” The end result is that Leon (STAR Child) now shows signs of routine ‘bad’ behaviour and the mind power for him is that I will be loved more by my parents. It has become his reality.
A child’s mind is like a sponge and very malleable. Whatever it is fed, it absorbs. If a child is constantly told “You can achieve anything”, that becomes their reality and they play the game of life as though ‘they can achieve anything’. The same applies with a child constantly told ‘You always do things wrong’, this becomes their reality, and the child will action that thought through their behaviour. The mind is a critical tool for life and the power of thought is the reality!
5. Children’s Personality Typing – AWAKENED CHILDREN
There are four main personality types when working with children. The personality type that is the most considered when discussing children that demonstrate behavioural management issues and problems is the AQUA personality. These beautiful souls work from mostly the right brain, are emotional, creative and have challenges with boundaries and rules.The AQUA personality is very creative and loves to be boundless and limitless. They do not like rules, regulations or systems particularly the word NO. And yet they can have a duality side where they like to control to create structure, systems and have everything perfect for themselves as a way of feeling safe. These children like to ask ‘why’ and ‘why can’t I have’ as they have an innate knowing within them that knows everything is possible. They are amazing creators and can create anything they want.
When the AQUA personality type can not have what they want, the behaviour can resort to temper tantrums, manipulation, yelling, throwing things, breaking things and screaming. These children’s minds can not perceive or understand why there has to be limits. These children do not like to be forced into things, especially when they feel they have no choice. Structured places like schools and working for someone else absolutely grates on their psyche and can create a situation which drives them to be ‘out of control’, appearing as rebellious.
On an emotional level, these children can be extremely out of control. They may appear as moody, depressed, violent and aggressive. Some of these children can appear to have emotional eruptions such as volcanoes. It will appear to be triggered by the smallest thing. These children work on a heart level and can be easily hurt in their heart by words, actions and thoughts. They are very sensitive on all levels and can be non immune to life in the emotional aspect. One of their life’s lessons is dealing with E-Motions in general. Being restricted by limits, rules, regulations and time frames will agitate and create ‘anger’ within the child. Schools are the worst offenders as they are very restrictive in all areas. AQUA children work on feelings and if they choose to do things in their own time – you will have pure excellence. Ask an AQUA child to do something when they not ready or don’t want to – be prepared for ‘battle’.
Although amazingly bright and clever these children can be seen and judged as ‘slow learners’ and in school tests can have results that do not match up with the average mark, especially STAR or CRYSTAL children. Generally speaking they are kinaesthetic in their learning styles, constantly wanting to touch everything, being very physical in their communication, language and expression. Hence this is why sport is necessity for these children as well as the love language – touch. In other words feeling loved, safe and secure when they are touched and in the presence of a group. Kinaesthetic in their learning, they will touch and experience to understand. Schools are NOT built for these souls. Many AQUA boys drop out of school at Year 10, as their hands on ‘talents’ are not being catered for. Apprenticeships and on the job training are best for these beings. Their learning style is through experience NOT reading, and applying as this is the way the children integrate information.
Slightly obsessive and constantly wanting things to be perfect, they like change if they feel in control and can become easily bored. Very social by nature, to isolate these children is a form of torture. Having big open hearts, these children love to love and can be extremely generous in all ways. These are the humanitarians, and what can appear as rebellious children – not doing as they are told. Their behaviour is not ‘naughty’ or ‘bad’, it is that they have no self control of their emotions and like to have things their way and how they want, when they want. Their gift is manifesting their thoughts to reality whether they be positive/negative or abundance/poverty. They can achieve anything on the physical level.
6. Ten (10) Successful Parenting Techniques for Behaviour Problems
Quite often, parents of children with bad or naughty behaviour can have high expectations of what is required from children. They forget that children need to be taught how to behave and how to socialise in different circumstances. Parents are really teachers. They teach their children how to behave, how to treat others and how to deal with things. We do this consciously and unconsciously. So lets look at ‘bad children’, ‘naughty children’, ‘bad behaviour’ and ‘naughty behaviour’ in children, of all ages including toddlers, teenagers /adolescents and primary school age. To start, there is really no such a thing as ‘bad child’ or ‘naughty child’. It is their actions and words that are inappropriate, depending on the standards and beliefs of the parent, teacher, carer and grandparent. Remember behaviour is the action, performance, activity, conduct and depending on what an individual perceives, it can be ‘bad’ or ‘good’ behaviour.Children require a routine and lots of reassurance, which includes daily routines, rituals and boundaries. They constantly need to know they feel safe, and loved. It is more than saying ‘I love you’ once a month or unconsciously replying to a child when they say it. Some of the techniques used to make a child safe include:
- Routines – Children feel secure when they know what is to happen. They have the opportunity to look forward to something. When the routines are made fun such as candles at dinner, aromatherapy for sleep, story time before bed, the children commence to goal set and look forward to the activity and the behaviour of loving and peaceful rather than ‘bad’.
- Boundaries – Healthy boundaries give children a sense of safety. They know their limits and where they be can accepted and loved. It is also part of the integration process children learn when they are maturing and learning so that the children understand what is acceptable as an adult and what is not. These boundaries are not limiting for a child but guide them to what appears safe to them, others and the environment.
- Deep Breathing – The simple and FREE technique of taking a deep breath makes huge changes to the outcomes on all levels of life and health for a child. When we take a deep breath it allows the children to ponder for a moment without getting involved in the drama of the imagination and right side of the brain ‘story’. When a child commences to feel anxiety, fear of any other negative emotion, the deep breath alters the perception as more oxygen circulates around the body, changing the perspective and chemical outcomes in the body. On a metaphysical level, the lungs are concerned how we react to situations and energy distribution. When taking a deep breath, we alter the energy from FEAR to LOVE and react differently. The energy distribution will be in LOVE not FEAR.
- In with the good and out with the bad – As parents, if we choose not get involved with the ‘bad’ behaviour and react less, the child learns that this does not get attention. The opposite applies to when the child does something loving, where there is more attention we give the learning lesson for the child is that they are rewarded.
- Positive Feed – If you perceive a child as a seed, and want to grow that seed to an extraordinary beautiful flower you will give the seed/child attention which will nourish it to grow. Verbal praise, rewards, positive outcomes, such as mini goal setting and of course healthy comments will help the child to grow and blossom. Encouragement is vital. The parents focus is more critical than the child’s focus as they can guide them like a coach.
- Healthy Food – Children brought up on mainly fresh fruit and vegetables have been proven to have a better outcome and perception of life. Try creating fruit salads, juicing and shakes at home using fruit and vegies. More home cooked meals and filtered water will make a huge difference to the child’s behaviour as well as to the whole family!!
- Play Inspirational Music – Music soothes the soul. It has been proven scientifically by Dr Emoto, that it changes the outcome, health and definitely growth and behaviour of the human being. Children react very well to music and will be inspired to perform accordingly. Try relaxation, classical music and have the music subtly playing in the background. The natural affect of the harmonic concordance within our body gravitates to anything that is peaceful – watch your children change too.
- Outdoor Activities – Children that are exposed to the elements such as sun, air, wind, water and earth build their immunity and are more relaxed. They also absorb essential vitamins and minerals necessary for growth and it will positively affect their behaviour. Have you ever noticed when children have been outside they come in alive and fresh?
- Physical Activity – When the human body is subjected to physical activity, there are certain chemicals and hormones that are released, especially serotonin, or known as the natural ‘happy’ drug. It makes children burn off the sugar and therefore less anger and of course the child feels great and exhausted. It encourages better sleep patterns and it is a fantastic way to deal with emotions by burning them off.
- Change – When a child is behaving ‘badly’, sometimes a parent can alter the scenario by changing the focus and reaction of themselves before attempting to do it in a child. A common problem is when parents go food shopping and the children get moody and their behaviour is unacceptable. If the Parent was to start singing or maybe do a dance in the supermarket aisle, automatically the child/ren will stop that behaviour and could even possibly join to have fun.
7. Summary
There really is no ‘bad’ or ‘naughty’ child, it is really the behaviour that is inappropriate. There is no such a thing as failure, there is only results. Imagination leads to reality – what are you going to imagine about your child? How will you perceive your child? Be like an AQUA child – everything is possible and obtainable.
There is only LOVE.
